Many bereaved parents still struggle to talk about losing their baby, or to know how to offer comfort to friends and family who have suffered this kind of loss.
This week (October 10-16) marks Baby Loss Awareness Week, and while grief can leave many parents feeling isolated, there is support to be found in Ipswich say three organisations.
Ipswich Hospital Baby Bereavement Group
This group offers support to families who have suffered a stillbirth or neonatal loss.
Families can share memories, take part in activities, add a metal leaf to the group’s Tree of Remembrance, and many other activities besides.
It also opens discussions with bereaved parents’ employers about how they can be supported at work.
“Baby Loss Awareness Week is to raise awareness that whilst the conversation can be uncomfortable, it needs to be talked about,” explained volunteer Laura Houlden.
“One of the most common things for a family to say is, ‘people just ignore us, it’s like we’ve done something wrong.’
“That is generally because people don’t want to say the wrong thing and upset people further.
“Actually, to say nothing at all is probably one of the worst things, because it makes them feel very isolated and almost invalidates the fact they are grieving.
“Baby loss becomes part of your life, and it stays with you.”
Bear for an Angel
“I make little bags of hope with keepsakes for people, and supply them to Ipswich hospital,” said founder Michelle McGunnagle. She has suffered several miscarriages herself.
“I also make sibling bears, because a lot of people don’t realise that this affects siblings as well.
“They’re like stepping stones to help people open up and talk about what the bear represents.”
Michelle found that after her suffering her first pregnancy loss in 2010, there were no resources like this available to her.
“People who suffer early miscarriages often get dismissed, because people don’t see it as a baby. But to the woman who is carrying it, and the partner who is expecting it, it is,” she said.
The Quinn's bags, named for the baby Michelle lost in 2017, contain mementoes such as teddy bears, crocheted hearts, poems and a ‘certificate of life’ that parents can fill in with their child’s name, should they wish to.
SANDS (stillbirth and neonatal death) United FC Ipswich
The team was started in February 2020, to give men who had suffered losses the chance to bond with other dads.
“We found that when someone loses a baby, there is support on hand for the mum, but that for the dad, their role is to support the mum,” explained founder of the Ipswich team Andrew Wilesmith.
“But actually, many men were struggling to process it all.
“The whole point is that we’re there to provide a safe space for men who have gone through this, using football as a medium.
“So, rather than creating a support group where everyone sits in a circle and talks, which isn’t always attractive to a lot of men, we use football to bring people together.”
The group has now swelled to around thirty members. While it aims to play one match a month, some members prefer not to play, and enjoy bonding with other dads through its active WhatsApp group.
“There’s the opportunity to lean on each other,” said Andrew. “One member told us last year that without this group, he’s not sure he’d be here.”
Laura and Andrew and other volunteers from their organisations will have a stall on Ipswich Cornhill on Thursday, October 13.
All groups can be found on social media using the links below:
Ipswich Hospital Baby Bereavement Group: www.facebook.com/ipswichbabybereavementgroup
Bear for an Angel: www.facebook.com/Bearforanangel/
SANDS United FC Ipswich: www.facebook.com/SUFCIpswich
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