Death is a topic that few people like to dwell on – but it is not something to be frightened of, say three nurses from hospices around Ipswich.
Martin Russell is a clinical nurse specialist at St Elizabeth Hospice, while Lottie Green and Jane Piotrowski are both nurses at East Anglia’s Children’s Hospice (EACH), based at The Treehouse inpatient unit in St Augustine’s Gardens.
Each of them said that it is a privilege to nurse someone in the final few months, weeks or even hours of their life.
“I didn’t start nursing until I was 44,” explained Mr Russell, now 61. “I was given a placement at St Elizabeth Hospice back in my second year.
“Initially, I wasn’t sure I would like to have the placement. I thought it would be very grey, with lots of tears and silence.”
Instead, there was a lot of smiling laughter, from both staff and patients.
“I turned up on my first day, and within five minutes, I was just blown away. It took me that long to decide that this was where I needed to work,” said Mr Russell.
“The hospice is a happy place.
“If people are happy-go-lucky, they like a laugh and are always pulling your leg, then when they are dying, they will still want to be like that – because that’s what makes them them,” he said.
Meanwhile, Mrs Piotrowski, 51, has been a nurse at EACH for the past 10 years.
“I felt that the care at a children’s hospice would be more focused on the child and their family, and the fun you could provide, even though it is at a dreadful time,” she said.
“It’s about living the best life that they can.”
She explained that not every child she cares for has reached the ‘end of life’ stage of care yet. Sometimes, children may stay at the Treehouse for a short period to give their families some respite.
However, caring for children at the end of their lives is of course an unavoidable aspect of her job.
“When I started, I went straight into caring for a young child who was end of life,” Mrs Piotrowski explained.
“They were the same age as my son. You can’t help but make comparisons, and it hit me really hard. I needed a lot of peer support to get through that.”
She explained that even though she was already an experienced nurse, caring for children in a hospice required her to learn a whole new skill set to manage the emotional toll of her role.
“The whole scenario of a child dying is not right. It feels out of sync,” she said
“All this is going through your head, and you think ‘Life is so cruel’. It becomes overwhelming.
“But you learn to manage it in time. It doesn’t mean you’re not empathetic or sympathetic to the situation, but you learn to manage it.
“But that first time, I found it so upsetting.
“I would ask the family if there was anything I could get them, and they would say, 'time.'”
Miss Green said that being able to support a family, and help them make memories with their child is one of the most rewarding aspects of her role.
“When people hear the words ‘palliative care’ they automatically think of death and dying,” she said. “Actually, it’s about what we call ‘parallel planning.”
This means that, while plans are made for how the patient will die, and when this is likely to be, the nursing team helps them to live the time they have left as fully as possible.
“It’s about creating those happy memories for everyone to remember, and enabling them to be as symptom-free as possible. As a team, we do that very well,” Miss Green explained.
“We’ve made cinemas in the hospice before. We have sensory rooms, and we have set them up as massive sleepover rooms. Some children have been on camping trips.
“I’ve heard of some children even having helicopter rides.”
A memory that stands out for both she and Mrs Piotrowski was when a child's family arranged for them to see the latest Star Wars film ahead of its release.
“They had to come with a guard, because this DVD was so precious,” said Mrs Piotrowski.
“All these moments are when I think, this is why I am here, fighting for every ounce of joyfulness that you can get out of every day, up until they die.”
Mr Russell also has memories such as these.
“Most people just want normality towards the end,” he said. “I remember a lady who just wanted to go shopping again. Simple, but for her and her family, huge.”
He said that working in a hospice has helped him to no longer be fearful of death.
“Death is a normal part of life,” he said.
“It’s difficult to talk about, but there is so much to be done to make it as good as possible. That is talking about it, normalising it, and making people of what support they have so there is not that fear and anxiety of what it will be like.
“For me, I know that the support out there is very good. I know that I would be looked after. I don’t want pain, but I do want dignity and respect and for my family to be looked after.
“I know that would happen here."
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